Window of My Little Life

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MY STORY

THE CREATOR

MYSELF

FRIENDS

CRITICS

REFLECTIONS

MEMORIES

NAVIGATIONS
click the stars at the left of frame

lying several feet beneath the sea
struggling to live another day
left devastated and disappointed
even hope has faded away

floating aimlessly in the ocean
waiting to reach land somehow
and rest my body fully
but it seems forever from now

my life slowly flickering away
hanging between life and death
by a single nylon thread
living through breath by breath

the day my soul returns to me
into this empty hollow shell
will be the day my wings shall grow
for me to fly away from this hell

until then i am trapped and tortured
by the demands of the society
i will make my mark someday
and far away from living in poverty

i will soar high into the sky by dusk
higher than anyone had expected
along with me will be the girl
who had all along kept me protected

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

You were there when I needed someone
You were there when I asked for you
You gave me a shoulder to lean on
Most of all a friend is what I got from you

You cheered with me as we jump with joy
Laughing thoroughly through the night
You made me who I am
In the darkness you were my light

You gave me strength and courage
To face my worst fears
You fought along with me
Side by side ever so near

I will be there for you when you need me
I will be there even when I am not wanted
I will be your friend even as I die
Hoping that you will not feel haunted

Will you do the same for me?
Are we considered F.R.I.E.N.D.S?

Waiting for my wings to grow
someday
scribbled at 5:23 AM

Monday, September 22, 2008

Like it seems
The rain is gone
I am here
All alone..

I miss your smiles
And the laughters
When you're near
Beside me..

And all the faces
seems so cold..
I'm freezing here
It's so cold..

Well.. Girl don't you go
It hurts me so
And now that I know
I need you the most
Well.. Girl don't you cry
I'll be by your side
Whether rain or shine
I promise you..

Holding on
To the time
When you're around
By my side..

And all has left me
All alone here
I'm bleeding now
In my heart..

Well.. Girl don't you go
It hurts me so
And now that I know
I need you the most
Well.. Girl don't you cry
I'll be by your side
Whether rain or shine
I promise you..

Oh yeah..

I promise you
I'll be there
For you.. Ooh..
Only you..
Only you..

Well.. Girl don't you go
It hurts me so
And now that I know
I need you the most
Well.. Girl don't you cry
I'll be by your side
Whether rain or shine..

Well.. Girl don't you go
It hurts me so
And now that I know
I need you the most
Well.. Girl don't you cry
I'll be by your side
Whether rain or shine
I promise you..

I promise you..
I promise you..
that..
I'll be there for you..

Waiting for my wings to grow
someday
scribbled at 12:20 AM

Monday, July 14, 2008

Far beyond the bars the wildest dreams
Eager to spread my wings and soar
High and fast, light and free
But life now seems an endless bore

I can hear the sound of the waves
Crashing and beating on the beach
I can smell freedom in the air
So refreshing and plenty and rich

Fear blanket over me at every night
When the last light leaves my sight
Wondering when the time will come
Again for the day to be bright

Unable to see and unable to know
What will happen to me this time
Will I ever get to see the sun again
Or will the last sound be a chime

Hoping and praying every now and then
Wondering why miracles keep eluding me
Is it that my faith ain't strong enough
Maybe I should believe in you more fervently

Losing consciousness gradually
Even though I am afraid to sleep
Yet too terrified to open my eyes
Feeling that I am loosening my grip

You pulled me through again
Made me brave and strong
And face my worst nightmare
To help me move on and on

Do not lose faith in me darling girl
For I will never surrender
Not to the dark, not to anyone
From now till forever and ever..

Waiting for my wings to grow
someday
scribbled at 9:04 PM

Feeling slightly lonely tonight, there is no one by my side to hear my rants about how tired I am now. Having to do guard duty with someone whom I am not acquainted in any way through the night. Can't wait for the sun to rise and brighten the sky again. 9 more months to go before I can say goodbye to this where your freedom is robbed away from you. Feeling so heavy and desolated now. Who can I rely on to pull me through this nightmare of living in a cage alone. Although I am in a medical centre having just to work from "8 to 5", but most of the time I had to do overnight due to having the huge amounts of duties to be shared with only a few of us remaining.

It is as if I am slowly trudging towards the end of the tunnel, but the light still eludes my sight. I am just looking towards November, and hopefully by then, March will come in the blink of an eye. Well, there's still August, September and October to come and go before November comes near. 3 more months to endure before the wind starts blowing to my advantage. Time seems to pass so slowly that it nearly stop. I can even count the time from 1 second to the next second.

It seems to be a mistake to plan so early my next step in life after leaving the force in 9 month's time. I should have stuck to my gameplan to live life one day at a time, thinking about nothing until the "holy" period draws nearer and nearer. I am so eager to move on to my next phase, even though some people might feel that I am actually taking a step backwards but returning back to poly life. I have decided to take up the Sports and Exercise Science in Republic Polytechnic. However I am unable to do anything to improve my chances to be enrolled into the school other than to wait till the registration period starts next year around February.

Let's not go further into this lifeless topic. I am considering having a chalet around the school holidays period in the month of either November or December. It's to either celebrate my 3rd anniversary of being together with my lovely angel or to celebrate the coming of Christmas again. However, I will not be spending too much time nor money on this chalet this time round as I have a trip overseas coming up in the month of January. A short getaway that's most likely to be in Sunway Lagoon in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia with my sweet baby. ARGH~!! Just the thought of it is enough to make me lose my sanity any moment.

Baby, just in case you still don't know or are still in doubt, I am missing you every second. Loving you always.. and only you. GYHL..

Waiting for my wings to grow
someday
scribbled at 8:28 PM

Sunday, July 13, 2008

You turned your head immediately
To the direction where she went
Gaining speed and chasing after her
Just to get the number from her hand

You asked her out whenever you can
Arrived earlier and waited patiently
Gave a little kiss on her cheek
Telling her that she looked lovely

She gave her heart when you took her hand
You promised her to look after her forever
She brought you home on one evening
For a little dinner with her father and mother

Cuddling her tightly on her bed at night
She took it off and made you melt
Only for that one man she loves so much
It was a feeling both of you never ever felt

What a sweet gentleman you are to her
Loving a lady with all your might
Caring for her and making her smile
And in her darkness you were her light

Things soured after a very bad fight
You found some peace in the arms of others
You let her down behind her back
Time and time again one after another

Promises made to her were all broken
Empty promises they all were now
Same promises were made to others
Exactly the same words and vows

Though you broke her fragile heart
Yet she still believes your very lies
You will always be in her mind
Even till the very day when she dies

You seek for her when you feel lonely
Deceived by your lies once again
She forgives you for all that you have done
Even when her heart was still in pain

Ask yourself this question once more
Have you ever loved someone at all
She loves you and you only and
She will be there for you when you fall

Waiting for my wings to grow
someday
scribbled at 3:36 AM

Saturday, July 12, 2008

So long so long, since I last visited or updated this blog of mine. I have decided to return and maintain this blog after seeing two entries that I have posted. Felt that it would be a waste to leave this blog hanging on the balance of existence.

I am now in the SAF, can't really disclose much of it on the internet. Sorry about this. Leaving in about 9 months time anyway. The smell of freedom is so pleasant and tempting. Can't wait to taste it again. At the very least, now I am living in harmony with my surrounding. Things are so quiet and peaceful now.

Time has passed so quickly that it won't be long soon before I will be entering the next phase of my life. I have decided after much consideration to try and enrol for the Sports and Exercise Science course in the Republic Polytechnic. It's somehow ironic that I have chosen to go the Poly path again since I was dismissed from Ngee Ann Polytechnic 2 years ago. However, this time will be different as I am at peace with myself and at the same time, my baby's there as well. However, I am having some reservations about my future after army, though I am definitely certain that I will love it much better.

I have lost contacts with a considerable number of friends, some whom were close to me, after I signed a new plan with a new number after replacing the phone that I had so carelessly lost.
As for my love life, it has never been better, and I would very much love it to remain this way at the very least or have it better. Still missing my baby as much as ever whenever I am not with her and after being with her for two years plus, I can say that my feelings for her and her feelings for me has grown considerably huge in size and deep in depth.

Will be updating this blog as much as possible and I shall never abandon it again. This shall be the little peephole to my life. =D

Waiting for my wings to grow
someday
scribbled at 7:46 PM

Monday, December 25, 2006

Life was good a year ago. I had all that I wanted or needed. I had such a beautiful girl by my side through all weathers of my life. I had a bright future ahead of me. Studied in Ngee Ann Polytechnic, but was dismissed for several various reasons. But then, my girl was still beside me. Giving me the strength to move on, the courage to face all. I had foolishly wanted to end my life there and then. But i am living now is all because of her. The only thing that i am living for now.
Now comes a period of uncertainty. I nearly lost all my senses and became a soulless walking corpse. Still fighting against reality, hiding into a dark corner occasionally. I had done something wrong. I know it. I am so lost now, though trying hard to find back my directions. It was presented to me before by my "navigator", but now my "navigator" is gone. Not really gone actually, but on the way.

A sudden change of events left me speechless. It knocked me of my comfort seat. My future seems so bleak and it seems to be fading away every little second. Why had things turned out this way when we were doing fine all along. How do you expect me to move on?
I tried to find a solution, but the actual solution lies in you. Whether am i still in your life depends on you. I am suddenly surrounded in a corner, suffocating and no way out. A predicament whereby i fell into unwittingly.

Merry "black" Christmas to myself. Last year during this period of time. No one or few had greeted me a "merry christmas". By i didn't mind it at all. For i had the girl of my life, the girl that meant the world to me in my embrace. However, when things don't look good, many came to greet me a "merry christmas". I hate christmas now. It's a period of time when i am living in total darkness. I seems to be losing control of myself, my mind and even my heart. Another blow to it, and I may die of heart failure. Haha. How am i going to last a week in such a state. I am trying to do so.

If you guys out there wanna ask about anything, don't leave me a sms or contact me through my phone or the msn. Just leave me an email. Thanks for everything.

No matter what happens, i don't know what will be of me. But i know that my heart can never keep another person.

Waiting for my wings to grow
someday
scribbled at 9:18 PM

Saturday, October 21, 2006

You loved much for those whose heart you can never gain
You loved not for whom gave their hearts to you freely
You treasured whatever you went to great length for
Yet you cherished none when you got it so easily

You think not of those who are suffering badly
But you hoped for someone to save you
You gave a gift that is deemed worthless by all
Yet you expects some items of high value

You have a prejudice against people of other races
Yet you hoped never to be looked down by others
You cared not for other defenseless animals
When you robbed and sold their exquisite leathers

You go to war killing hundreds of innocent people
Just because of the ambition of one man
And it is so ironic that killing a man is a crime
But killing thousands is an achievement

You survived in this world at the expense of others
You cared for none except yourself and your loved ones
You hanker after immense wealth, fame, and authority
And you use unscrupulous means for things you want

Trust from others you gained you calls them your friends
Trust given to others with some limits are your good pals
Yet you stabbed them in the back when it concerns your living
Yet you dared hoped for them to help you after some heavy falls

Have you ever thought of those who helped you so far
Have you gave a thought about people who needed your hand
Have you thought about the consequences of your actions
Have you seriously thought of how will all these stupidity end

Ever had the feeling that you were so lost that you nearly died
Ever felt that the world had so cruelly turned its back
Ever had the feeling of falling indefinitely in a bottomless pit
Ever felt before as if your arms and legs were all hacked

- take your time to ponder over these seriously.

Waiting for my wings to grow
someday
scribbled at 8:34 AM

^{t h e}_{o n e}

AUSTEN
IMPERFECTION

arrived on
15 JANUARY 1988

_{- =[ f o r ]= -}^{- =[ s m i l e s ]= -}_{- =[ t h e m ]= -}

myself
only valentine
my parents
sweetest grandparents
two lovely siblings
my dear relatives
best brothers (not blood related)
close friends whom I dearly hold on to
everything else that nature has created

_{g r e a t e s t}^{m y}_{w i s h e s}

SEEING HER SMILING EVERY MOMENT
BUILDING A FUTURE TOGETHER WITH MY ONLY VALENTINE
WAKING UP IN THE MORNING TO SEE MY SILLY SLEEPING NEXT TO ME
KISSES AND HUGS FROM THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS
PEOPLE LIVING HAPPILY AND IN HARMONY WITH NATURE AND WILDLIFE

_{- =( t h e m )= -}^{- =( h a t e )= -}_{- =( a l l )= -}

cruel heart breakers
sick sex starved demons
evil thieves of love
sinister two faced monsters
annoying peace disrupters
cheap unfaithful creeps
heartless family destroyers
mindless inconsiderate creatures
brainless worthless hooligans

LINKS
Refresh
My Love
My Dark
Tony
Angie
Trena
Brina
Shu Shan
Thuhan

CREDITS
blogskins
blogger
designer or
oceanbluez92

THINK ABOUT IT

You loved much for those whose heart you can never gain
You loved not for whom gave their hearts to you freely
You treasured whatever you went to great length for
Yet you cherished none when you got it so easily

You think not of those who are suffering badly
But you hoped for someone to save you
You gave a gift that is deemed worthless by all
Yet you expects some items of high value

You have a prejudice against people of other races
Yet you hoped never to be looked down by others
You cared not for other defenseless animals
When you robbed and sold their exquisite leathers

You go to war killing hundreds of innocent people
Just because of the ambition of one man
And it is so ironic that killing a man is a crime
But killing thousands is an achievement

You survived in this world at the expense of others
You cared for none except yourself and your loved ones
You hanker after immense wealth, fame, and authority
And you use unscrupulous means for things you want

Trust from others you gained you calls them your friends
Trust given to others with some limits are your good pals
Yet you stabbed them in the back when it concerns your living
Yet you dared hoped for them to help you after some heavy falls

Have you ever thought of those who helped you so far
Have you gave a thought about people who needed your hand
Have you thought about the consequences of your actions
Have you seriously thought of when will all these stupidity end

Ever had the feeling that you were so lost that you nearly died
Ever felt that the world had so cruelly turned its back
Ever had the feeling of falling indefinitely in a bottomless pit
Ever felt before as if your arms and legs were all hacked

reflect upon it

You turned your head immediately
To the direction where she went
Gaining speed and chasing after her
Just to get the number from her hand

You asked her out whenever you can
Arrived earlier and waited patiently
Gave a little kiss on her cheek
Telling her that she looked lovely

She gave her heart when you took her hand
You promised her to look after her forever
She brought you home on one evening
For a little dinner with her father and mother

Cuddling her tightly on her bed at night
She took it off and made you melt
Only for that one man she loves so much
It was a feeling both of you never ever felT

What a sweet gentleman you are to her
Loving a lady with all your might
Caring for her and making her smile
And in her darkness you were her light

Things soured after a very bad fight
You found some peace in the arms of others
You let her down behind her back
Time and time again one after another

Promises made to her were all broken
Empty promises they all were now
Same promises were made to others
Exactly the same words and vows

Though you broke her fragile heart
Yet she still believes your very lies
You will always be in her mind
Even till the very day when she dies

You seek for her when you feel lonely
Deceived by your lies once again
She forgives you for all that you have done
Even when her heart was still in pain

reflect upon it